Clients From Hell

[MrsJrotax101]

http://clientsfromhell.net

Great website!!! I've been entertained for hours!

Shades of blue

Client: I don’t like that blue, make it a bit lighter. Just a small bit!
I send the (unchanged) file back to her.
Client: Hmm, ok thats too light, make it a bit darker.
I send the same file - again, unchanged.
Client: Ok just ad a hint of brightness and we’re done!
Again, same file, unchanged.
Client: Perfect! Has anyone told you that you are amazing at what you do?

Client: I want my email address to be info@golf.com.
Me: You don’t own golf.com. Your domain is [long domain name]golfcarts.com.
Client: Ok, then make it information@golf.com.
Me: The part of the email address after the “at” sign has to be [long domain name]golfcarts.com. You have to include [long domain name]golfcarts.com in your email address.
Client: Oh! I get it, sorry. Make it [long domain name]carts@golf.com then.

"Staring at computer screens gives me nosebleeds. Please fax the website to me."

Email correspondence with an older client:

Client: “JUST SEND THE MOCKUPS TO JOLENE AND I WILL LOOK AT THEM WHEN I GET BACK NEXT TUESDAY.”

Me: “Sure thing. Is everything OK over there? You seem like you’re yelling everything!”

Client: “THESE DAMN PUERTO RICAN COMPUTERS. EVERYTHING IS IN BIG TYPE.”

Me: “Do you see the ‘caps lock’ button, or ‘bloq mayus’ just left of the ‘A’. Press that.”

Client: “oh. oh, thanks, that’s better. I thought it was just because puerto ricans are very emotional people.”

 

[webby]

A client was upset that the animated .gifs from his site weren’t animated when printed out. I tried to explain that it simply wasn’t possible.
Client: Why are you lying to me? I know it’s possible - have you not seen the moving posters and pictures in Harry Potter!?

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Yeah...that one really had me in hysterics

 

[dentrecords]

These are definitely on par with my clients.

 

[KennyGS]

Wow, I cannot believe some of those are actually for real.

 

[webby]

A client was struggling to send me software via e-mail.

Me: The software is probably too large for e-mail. How big is it?

Client: The CD’s about the size of my hand.

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Client: We really loved the work you did in our babies nursery.
Me: Thank you.
Client: But…
Me: …
Client: We’re moving and would like a refund since the mural will no longer be in “our” nursery.
Me: What?
Client then proceeds to state their case. This continues for some time.
Client: Then if you won’t refund the money can you at least re-create the artwork on the new wall? Free of charge of course?

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Me: Hi, how can I help you?
Client: What’s your companies phone number?
Me: Our phone number…?
Client: Yes.
Me: The number you just called.
Client: Thanks! (Hangs up)

 

[clevrname]

 

[webby]

"I told you, don’t put that “Follow” button there. We don’t want people to be stalking us when the site goes online. Also, we’re not “Tumbler” so why does it say “Join tumblr”?"

"What do you mean “payment”? You told me you were freelancing?"

 

[MrsJrotax101]

omg

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Client: I want it gold… like the gold in the glitter I have here.
Me: What?
Client: I just faxed you the glitter. Use that color of gold.
Me: When you fax something you know the recipient receives a black print out.
Client: Oh, I’ll just mail it to you then.
Me: That’s okay - I can make this text on your website gold without the glitter.
Client: No, I’ll feel better if you can see what I’m talking about.
A few days later I received an envelope full of glitter.

 

[MrsJrotax101]

"Please, no acronyms when you email me. Whatever http stands for, write it out. SEO, write it out. Html, .com, write it out. Capeesh?"

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Me: “You’re going to get a lot of people stopping by the deli just to laugh at the sign, if you make me put that.”

Client: “Let them laugh. There’s nothing funny about it.”

Me: “It is sort of funny, in a childish way, you have to admit.”

Client: “No! “You’ll love the taste of our wieners” has been our slogan since my grandfather opened this place. And I want it in bright, proud colors out front.”

"This website is about GOOD wholesome music! No Lady googoo, or the Mr Cisco thong song, or, uh, Ozzy Osmund. Just good wholesome music."

Client: “So, for the logo, we’ll go with those colors we discussed over the phone last night.”

Me: “We never discussed colors.”

Client: “Yes we did. I mentioned the whole teal & plum thing.”

Me: “No, you definitely didn’t.”

Client: “Really? What did we discuss?”

Me: “Mostly, you just discussed how the shape cannot and must not be penis-shaped…”

Client: “…”

Me: “…and how all of your clothes smell like eggs because you made ‘a shitbunch of eggs’.”

Client: “Man, I need to stop drinking so much.”

Client: “The logo is far too dark. Try brightening it up a bit. What happened to those vibrant colors we picked out earlier.”

Me: “Well, to be fair, you ARE wearing your sunglasses.”

Client: “Hmm, so I am.” (Chuckles, takes his sunglasses off).

Me: “Is that a bit better?”

Client: “Oh, heavens no, this is WAY too bright.”

I signed on to create a website for a large private high school, and when it was nearly done I asked the principal if there was any specific message he wanted on the homepage. Quite agitated, he asked that I write in bold, all caps: “TO WHOEVER PEED BEHIND THE VENDING MACHINES THURSDAY APRIL 7TH, I WILL FIND YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER, PEE AGAIN!”

 

[webby]

"I made the mistake of letting my wife see the logo. She doesn’t like it, and since it’s easier to pay you to redo it than it is to get a divorce, I’ll need another invoice for the revisions."

"I need you to design me a 36” x 54” poster. But make sure to design it in PowerPoint so that I can change it myself quickly later on."

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Client: “Why on earth is there an ad on my facebook page from my nemesis!?”

Me: “Facebook places them according to similar interests.”

Client: “Right. Would you please block all advertisements in our page?”

Me: “Sure, let me call my friend, uh… Mark.”

Client: “Great, thanks. You call Mark and have him do that.”

Client: “Wait! Don’t plug your laptop into that outlet. Put it in THIS one, please.”

Me: “This outlet works just fine though…”

Client: “I know it does. But our printer is plugged into this outlet. And we may need to print something off of your laptop.”

Missing the point.

Client: “The ‘V’ is too pointy. Can we get a ‘V’ that isn’t pointy?”

Me: “An un-pointy ‘V’ may start to look like a ‘U’…”

Client: “We don’t want a ‘U’. We want a ‘V’ that doesn’t have a point.”

During production of a film we were doing, over the phone with the client, we were discussing a scene where the actors begin fighting each other with lightsabers. We explained how we’d create the effects, work it out in post-production. Then the client speaks up and says, “Why don’t we just use real lightsabers?” …And it took us 30 minutes to explain to her why we couldn’t.

Ultra-strange encounter with a client at the supermarket

Client: “Aren’t you supposed to be designing my brochure?”

Me: “It’s Sunday morning. I’m just buying milk because I ran out.”

Client: “Oh, you did? Well, what should we do then if we run out of time for the project, huh? Just leave the last two pages blank and write ‘sorry, ran out of milk’ on them?”

Me: “I don’t know why you’re getting so upset over this.”

Client: “I don’t know why you can’t just eat your cereal dry.”

Me: “What!?”

Client: “I just… Okay, sorry I snapped. I just came from church. That place leaves me feeling so angry for some reason.”

"It looks like over time the submit button has begun to fade out a bit. Is it possible to upload a fresh button? I want all the buttons on my site to look new all the time."

Me: (over the phone) “How do you like the new menu?”
Client: “It’s great, but the online version… Can we make that matte finished as well?”
Me: “Um…”
Client: “I’m just having troubles reading it. It’s so glossy. All I see is a silhouette of my head.”
Me: “Is there a window open behind you?”
Client: “There is, yes.”
Me: “Close it.”
Client: “Wow, much better—we should make a note of that.”

 

[webby]

facepalm x20000

 

[MrsJrotax101]

Can you get rid of this Lorem Ipsum? I don’t want German on my website."

CLIENT: There is a problem with the Facebook page, can you fix it?

ME: I tried, but I couldn’t. I sent a notification to Facebook with the problem. I’m sure they can help us fix it soon.

CLIENT: Have you tried reporting the problem to Google?

ME: Google? No, that is a different company and has nothing to do with Facebook.

CLIENT: I think you should try it anyway. I’m not sure how Google works, but I bet they can fix it.

I sent a group of clients an email with links so they could share them with their Facebook fans and/or newsletter subscribers. One client responded almost immediately.

CLIENT: The links you sent me don’t work.

ME: What do you mean, they don’t work? I just tested them again to be sure. They are indeed correct.

CLIENT: No, if they’re correct, they’re supposed to turn blue in my email. Can you send me the correct link?

ME: If you copy/paste it into your web browser, the page will come up fine. Your email program didn’t convert it to a hyperlink for some reason, but it’s fine. I promise.

CLIENT: Can you just send me the correct link?

 

[MrsJrotax101]

I was designing a logo and website for a client, but we could never get past the logo. I sent her several iterations of what she asked for, and she always had the same answer "I don’t like it, but I don’t know why."

I’d try to coax some, any, feedback out of her – “was it the color? the typography? was there anything about it she did like?” – and got nothing.

Several times, I suggested that she would do better to find someone else, but each time, she refused. "I really like working with you," she’d say, "and I feel like we’re really almost there.”

Ten rejected versions later, I gave up and quit. My first payment milestone was design approval, so I didn’t get a nickel.

A few months later, she launched her website, using one of the very first logo designs I provided.

Someone replied:

I also water mark, and even with logo work, I will send them a link from my own hosting space. Busted one genius who not only tried to steal my work, but used the very link I sent him as a sample. He wasn't too fond of waking up one morning with a Lemon Party-esque photo as the header of his "prestigious" site once I swapped out the image.

Sounds like something I would have done

 

[Taffeta 12]

I missed this thread until just now but the entertaintment is top notch for sure!!

Are these real??? haha

facepalms for sure