Clients From Hell

MrsJrotax101

MrsJrotax101

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CLIENT: I know how easy it is to set this up, I used WordPress a couple of years ago. You just need to add a couple of plugins and copy my content. It takes no effort or skill. Frankly, I think you should do it for free.

ME: Sorry, I can’t go lower than my already-reduced rate of £20/hour.

CLIENT: Can you at least come down to £10/hour?

ME: Sorry, £20 is as low as I can go.

CLIENT: Fine, I’ll do it myself.

A couple of days later…

CLIENT: Look, whatever, I’ll pay your ridiculous rates. Here’s what I need.

ME: Okay, great. I’ll get started first thing on Monday.

CLIENT: I need it by Monday.

Note: It was Saturday.

Second Note: After I read the content, the client claimed that they specialize in Ecommerce and web development. Judging by the difficulty they had tweaking a WordPress site, something doesn’t add up here.
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MrsJrotax101

MrsJrotax101

Administrator
Admin
25,544
10,598
I live in Europe, but I work as a contractor for a client in America.

CLIENT: I have been reviewing your hours, and you working in your evening time is unacceptable.

ME: We discussed that shifting my hours to the evening would make it so that more of my hours would overlap with your hours.

CLIENT: I just don’t see how you could do your best work in the evening.

ME: Well, what hours would work best for you?

CLIENT: You need to work core business hours for your timezone. Early mornings are necessary for system upgrades and maintenance. You also need to be available to take calls from me and other clients in the afternoons and evenings, and possibly at night. There are also a few holes in the weekend and afternoon scheduling that could use your attention.

ME: You just asked me to work 24/7 - in addition to evenings.

CLIENT: And?
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MrsJrotax101

MrsJrotax101

Administrator
Admin
25,544
10,598
At our project kickoff meeting, I asked a client what method of communication he prefers.

CLIENT: Email is the best way to reach me and ensure that I get your message.

I sent him a project update via email two days later. After getting no response after two days, I queried him again via email.

CLIENT: (via email) I get too many emails, so just call me here at the office.

I call him the following week to get his approval on a design and the receptionist screens my call. I try three more times over the next week, making sure to email with each call.

On Friday:

CLIENT: Where are my proofs? We’re on a deadline.

ME: I called numerous times, but your receptionist wouldn’t let e speak to you.

CLIENT: Yeah, I told her to screen my calls. Just call me on my mobile.

I call his mobile three times the next week, leaving a message on his (generic) voicemail.

Once again bringing us to Friday:

CLIENT: I just ignore my phone’s voicemail. Call my office or email me.

I begin to do all three, in rotation, over the next week. After failing to reach him, I sent him a certified letter to have him sign off on the final product.

He calls me three days later:

CLIENT: Why are you sending me a letter? It’s 2013 for God’s sake! There are better ways to get a hold of me.
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MrsJrotax101

MrsJrotax101

Administrator
Admin
25,544
10,598
I had a client send me an email asking if I could turn a 35”x11” banner I’d done for them into a small square ad for print.

CLIENT: Thanks, but I don’t think you understand. We don’t want it to change at all; we just want you to shrink it into a square. Don’t move anything.

ME: I’m sorry, but no matter how small I shrink a rectangle, it won’t turn into a square. If you want a square ad, I can keep the same components but they will have to be re-arranged.

CLIENT: We don’t want anything moved. Just the same ad, but a square.

I sent them the square, with the rectangular ad in the center and two giant white gaps above and below it. Two weeks later (and without a reply from my client), I saw the version I had sent them in a newspaper.
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